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About Me Member Deviant of Many Talents TheLeopardwerecatFemale/France Recent Activity Deviant for 3 Years
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Update

Sun Apr 19, 2009, 2:54 PM
  • Mood: Defeated
  • Listening to: Attack - Thirty seconds to Mars
  • Reading: My own journal - How sad is that?!
  • Watching: the screen
  • Playing: nothing
  • Eating: nothing
  • Drinking: Nothing *looks for tea*
Yeah, I figured I should probably update my journal. So technically, this is the first Journal of 2009. Whoooo. Go me.

So, on to explanations...

I haven't been updating at all, I know. I can't get my head in the right mood to, and it's driving me insane. I'm currently on work experience (...again) and it's only been after then that I feel I can draw again.
Being stuck on the same project in art at school hasn't helped either. I've tried SO damn hard to draw abract, but it's like my brain can't wrap itself aound the concept and it doesn't help that my art teacher didn't explain the criteria properly, only waiting until I make an unerasable mistake to point it out.

Everyone seems to want me to make choices, ones that I myself don't want to make. One is my choice of which coursework I'll be doing next year. I want to do a Bac L (literature, philosophy and art) at a VERY specific school in my area, where my friends are,close to home, and where I can keep my options open. I might not necessarily want do do a purely artistic-orientated course. I might want to study history and become a historian.
My art teacher on the other hand, wants me to go to an art school. It's nice that he recognises certain aspects of my talent, but the schools he wants me to enroll in are in different towns, where I would have to stay in dormitories.
I am a social person to a degree, but the with the way I currently am, being that far away from home for an entire week, not being able to 'escape' from it, as it were, would kill me. Also, going to an art school, I would be forced to follow the purely artistic route, that I'm not too keen on doing. I'm an artist and I love to draw, but it's not my only interest damnit!

My teacher keeps telling me to rethink my options, but I've had two MISERABLE FUCKING YEARS in which to do so. And whn I told him that, he just says to think it over some more, learn to deal with people, and don't make "snap decisions based on how you're feeling today."

This pisses me off to no end, there's nothing I can do about it, and that in turn is making me depressed and unwilling to talk to people.
I just keep getting the feeling that he wants me to make a choice, but the choice that HE wants for me, and he holds me back after every class and gives me a patronising lecture, tells me to rethink my options AGAIN when I tell him what I want to do next year and I usually leave in either a tantrum or almost in tears.

So yes, it was making me depressed and therefore unable to draw.
I came over for work experience and a holiday t England, and I can draw again, I see my family most days, I'm enjoying working and learning, I'm socialising.
So what if it's just a form of escapism, that part of me never wants to go back to school ever again because it's just so fucking painful being ignored by the majority of your peers, coming home feeling like a piece of SHIT everyday, then getting up nice and early to repeat the process all over again until the weekend. So FUCKING SUE ME.

/endemorant

Feel free to read this.

Not that anyone does read what I write anymore.

deviantID

Devious Info

  • Current Residence: Where the men with the white coats can't find me.Har-HA.
  • deviantWEAR sizing preference: I DON'T CARE ABOUT DEVIANTWEAR so STFU.mwehehehe.
  • Print preference: WTFIdunnolawlzgoasksum1else!!!!!1!
  • Interests: I have various hobbies,which include: sleeping,drawing,sleeping and sleeping some more.
  • Favourite movie: Billy Elliot and the Lion King :>
  • Favourite band or musician: MCR,Green Day.
  • Favourite genre of music: Rock,heavy metal.
  • Favourite artist: That's favouritism. :P
  • Favourite poet or writer: so many to choose from..HEY,that's favouritism AGAIN.
  • Favourite photographer: I don't know and I don't CARE.
  • Favourite style of art: dunno.
  • Operating System: windows XP.
  • MP3 player of choice: I use an MP4 now :3
  • Shell of choice: I don't KNOW.
  • Wallpaper of choice: I don't Know,I DON'T KNOW!
  • Skin of choice: WHY CAN'T YOU LEAVE ME ALONE *whimpers in a corner*
  • Favourite game: The Sims 2. Yeah I'm a total fag for custom content.:)
  • Favourite gaming platform: My entire life is a gaming platform.
  • Favourite cartoon character: ehn..Itachi Uchiha,Portas D. Ace,Trafalgar law from One Piece..GO GO PYROS!
  • Personal Quote: The Personal Quote is a LIE.
  • Tools of the Trade: imagination...and a pencil and rubber.

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Comments


Big Thanks to :+fav: [link] and [link] !! :eager: :heart:

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You want some green stuff??
You're welcome! :iconiloveitplz:

--
Time is very slow for those who wait
Very fast for those who are scared
Very long for those who lament
Very short for those who celebrate
But for those who love,Time is eternity
Thanks for the fave!

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I SAW A SQURIELL! HE WAS DOING LIKE THIS!
You're welcome :)

--
Time is very slow for those who wait
Very fast for those who are scared
Very long for those who lament
Very short for those who celebrate
But for those who love,Time is eternity
Thanks soo much for the fave AND watch :iconblushplz:

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Strawberries with chocolate RLZ!
You're welcome!
And thank *you* for returning the watch and all the faves!:iconiloveitmoreplz:

--
Time is very slow for those who wait
Very fast for those who are scared
Very long for those who lament
Very short for those who celebrate
But for those who love,Time is eternity
You're very welcome too! :aww:

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Strawberries with chocolate RLZ!
I believe we have the same birthday, so I just decided to comment you because that is MOST cool! :)

--
-A kiss is a lovely trick designed by nature to stop speech when words become superfluous.
Ingrid Bergman
:iconiloveitmoreplz:
Thank you for your random but nonetheless lovely comment!

Scorpios ftw! :XD:

--
Time is very slow for those who wait
Very fast for those who are scared
Very long for those who lament
Very short for those who celebrate
But for those who love,Time is eternity
FA SHOO!! I am one of thee most random people EVA.

YOU'RE WELCOME AMAZING PERSON WITH THE SAME BDAY AS ME! :) *air five*

--
-A kiss is a lovely trick designed by nature to stop speech when words become superfluous.
Ingrid Bergman

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